I Lost Myself To Win The World

Sometimes I wander through my past
Trying to forecast what comes next
Retracing pathways through my thoughts
Through every choice I can’t correct
When did the daylight turn to black?
When did the man become the mask?
When did the world I had outgrown?
Turn every answer to a question asked
Was it the hunger? Was it pride?
The nights I buried what I felt?
The wars I fought with everyone?
When I was fighting with myself
Now hope brings with it demise
And dreams dissolve before my eyes
And something darker wears my face
Looks through the mirror and replies

“You made me.”

Was it the start? Was it the fall?
Was I the hand that caused it all?
Or have I spent my whole damn life?
Fighting a Machiavellian soul
How childish were the dreams I dreamed
When life so invincible seemed
When love was just a one-night stand
When nothing could defy command
I traded pieces of myself
For all the riches of the world
Only to find the life I chased
Was an illusion that unfurled
The truth
I lost myself to win the world
I weigh my failures with my faults
With false alliances and fractured trust
The confidence I placed in fakes
Who disappeared when gold turned dust
I cross-examine my conscience
Every consequence every cost
Every compromise disguised
As something gained instead of lost
Young and reckless chasing excess
Faithless nights and faceless thrills
I fed my demons every dream
And wondered why they weren’t fulfilled
I praised the money starved the soul
Paid every price except the toll
Had everything within my hands
And nothing underneath control

“I made me”

Was it the greed? Was it the game?
Was I addicted to my name?
How did a boy who wanted everything?
Become a man consumed by blame

How childish were the dreams I dreamed
When life so invincible seemed
When love was just a one-night stand
When nothing could defy command
I traded pieces of myself
For all the riches of the world
Only to find the life I chased
Was an illusion that unfurled
The truth
I lost myself to win the world
My dreams were always past my reach
So I kept reaching past myself
Thought being rich meant being free
So I put freedom on a shelf
Money paid the bills
But never paid the debt
Bought everything I wanted
Couldn’t buy what I regret

How childish were the dreams I dreamed
When life so invincible seemed
When love was just a one-night stand
When nothing could defy command
I traded pieces of myself
For all the riches of the world
Only to find the life I chased
Was an illusion that unfurled
The truth
I lost myself to win the world
Strip the labels, strip the lies
Strip every mask I wore with pride
If all I owned was taken now
Would anything of me survive?